


Improvised Kidnapping

by sashawiremarryme



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Other, TPP Secret Santa 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 17:17:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17145833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sashawiremarryme/pseuds/sashawiremarryme
Summary: "It was supposed to be a quiet night. Nureyev was supposed to be on Mercury after freak solar activity had caused all flights off of the planet to be cancelled. He had told him this just last night, and Juno has seen the news reports himself. It was supposed to be a quiet night in, with a bottle of champagne (Nureyev’s idea) and an interplanetary video call."





	Improvised Kidnapping

**Author's Note:**

> for @motherfuckingnazgul on Tumblr
> 
> Some good ol' fashion Jupeter fluff to get us through the holiday season

“Nureyev,” Juno banged on his bedroom door, “let me out!”

“Sorry dear,” Nureyev said from the other side of the door, “you'll just have to wait.”

“Nureyev, the second I get out of here I'm calling the cops and getting you arrested for kidnapping.” 

He heard a woman giggling. “Sure you are, boss,” he heard Rita say.

“Rita? What the are you… nevermind.” He fell back on his bed, defeated, as Rita's laughter continued. He tried to ignore them, deciding he didn't want to know. 

He'd been trapped in his room for nearly two hours now. It was supposed to be a quiet night. Nureyev was supposed to be on Mercury after freak solar activity had caused all flights off of the planet to be cancelled. He had told him this just last night, and Juno has seen the news reports himself. It was supposed to be a quiet night in, with a bottle of champagne (Nureyev’s idea) and an interplanetary video call.

But when he walked into his bedroom after he got home, the door locked behind him (an impressive feat given the door didn't actually lock) and he'd been forced to spend the better part of two hours banging on his bedroom door, asking to be let out, while a master thief was running around the rest of his apartment doing who knows what. And now apparently Rita's there as well, even better. 

His train of thought was stopped by an all too familiar smell. He remembered his many failed early attempts at cooking, and from Rita's microwave popcorn catastrophes. He clambered over to the door and started banging on it again. “Why do I smell burning?” There was no response. “Nureyev? I swear, if I die because you locked me in here and while you burnt my apartment down I'm going to murder you.”

There was a light cough on the other side. “Everything’s under control,” Nureyev answered, audibly panicked, “we're not burning your apartment down.”

“Really? Because it smells like someone let Rita near a microwave.” Juno leaned against the door frame.

“Hey—”

“That's not what—Rita didn't do this,” Nureyev responded, “in fact, she was just leaving.”

“I am?” There was a pause where Juno could imagine the look Nureyev was giving Rita right now. “Oh, yup, totally leaving.” He heard a door open. “Bye boss!” It closed.

The door Juno was leaning against opened. As he fell over, Nureyev instinctively tried to catch him, but he collapsed under the unexpected weight, leaving both lying on the floor. 

“I missed you,” Nureyev whispered, angling himself to look at Juno. 

“I would miss you a lot more if you hadn't been keeping me captive for the past few hours,” he glared at him. “What were you doing anyway?”

Nureyev's usual perfect appearance was gone, replaced by a dishevelled man, covered with flour, and with slightly singed sleeves. That didn't stop Juno from wanting to roll towards him and kiss him. 

“I was trying to make you dinner,” he admitted.

“Huh?” Nureyev can’t cook.

“I was going to surprise you but you came home early. So I had to improvise…”

“By holding me captive?” Juno leaned away slightly.

“By keeping you out of the way.” Nureyev rolled his eyes. “But I was in a rush after that so I asked Rita to come over and help.”

“You needed help with cooking and you asked Rita?” He tried not to laugh

“I’ve had worse ideas.”

“Barely,” he laughed and reached out for Nureyev, pulling him close. “You’re unbelievable.” Juno kissed him. Nureyev wrapped his arms around Juno’s waist, slipping them under his shirt before kissing him back.

“Well, I think everything seems to have—” He pulled away from Juno. “I’ll be right back.” He stood up and walked towards the kitchen. By the time Juno had followed him, he’d already reached the stove and was struggling to turn it off. “I just remembered what was burning,” he explained, as Juno stared at the blackened mess that covered the bottom of the pot on the stove.

“You know you’re cleaning this, right?” Juno looked back at Nureyev.

“That hardly seems fair, when you cook I don’t make you clean,” he said defensively.

“When I cook, I doesn’t take over an hour to clean a single pot.”

“Are you sure I can’t persuade you to help?” Nureyev grabbed Juno’s waist again, pulling them together.

“Not a chance.” Juno wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him. Even when he was standing on his toes, he could barely reach his mouth. 

“Happy Birthday,” Nureyev whispered.

“Thanks,” he said, unsure of how to respond. He pressed his head against his chest. “I love you, Peter.”


End file.
